I decided to just sit down and write today. I am not a writer like my friends Ali and Hooter.....but I just feel that this might help me process my feelings. So much is going on in my heart and in my head (no pun intended!) and everyone tells me that writing helps.....so here I go.
"And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you, He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you, Do not fear nor be dismayed." Deut. 31:8
My friend Melissa posted this quote on my wall today. I have thought about it all day. I know God is with me and that I am not supposed to be afraid......but I am scared to death. I....the religion teacher who teaches about being strong in the faith all day.....is feeling so weak. I mean, the first round of this was scary....but I did it. I was so proud of myself. I did things that I never imagined that I could do...like lying on a table in a mask every day for 6 weeks. When we thought the worst was over, we get hit with the latest news. You know, as a Christian, we try to figure out God's plan. We say.... "God must have a plan for this......everything happens for a reason." We try to say that God won't give us more than we can handle. I have said those words to other people as they were in their "storm." Never did I understand how hard those words are to live by when the storm is your own. At times I feel overwhelmed, sometimes I feel angry, then I feel afraid, scared, lonely, resentful...this is more than I can handle God.....don't you know that?
Then, I think about some of the strongest people that I know that have suffered or are suffering now.....Peter, Ryan, Rosemarie, Jessica, Julia, Meg.........and I am reminded that we all have own own crosses to carry. This is my cross. I have watched other people carry their cross....and now it is my turn. I carry this cross with all of those people in my mind and in my heart and I know they are helping me carry it too.
"And the Lord, He is the one who goes before you, He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you, Do not fear nor be dismayed." Deut. 31:8
I know, Lord. You are with me. You will not leave me. You carried your cross. Now it is my turn.
Kim,
ReplyDeleteYou certainly are 'processing' all the things you need to be processing right now. And it takes time...that's why it's a 'process'. Our bible study this season is in Romans...where Paul says we weren't promised life would be easy just because we are Christians...but we won't be going through the tough times alone. I remember when we were little and we were sick...and how comforting it was to have mom hold a hand...or rub a back...or let us lay our head in her lap. That's how I see Jesus now...holding a hand...rubbing a back...and letting us lay our head in his lap. It's okay to be scared and fear the unknown. It's how we deal with that fear. I suspect each of those you mention above would tell you exactly that! You've got some great examples of strength in that list! We're keeping the faith...right along with you!
Gail
God, grant me:
ReplyDeleteSerenity - to accept the things I cannot change
Courage - to change the things I can, and
Wisdom - to know the difference
It's o.k. to be afraid of the unknown. This blog is a great idea for you. You have always loved writing; so write away!
Kim,
ReplyDeleteIt's ok to be afraid and questioning - - and especially ok to lean on your friends -- we will be here to help you in any way that we can. Yes you are a religion teacher (and a darn good one) but it is ok to question your faith during times of trouble and storms - it will become stronger and be a tremendous example to others.
Think of our greatest apostles - - Peter and Paul -- and the trials they went through. And Job ..... And Mother Teresa -- and her answer to "yes".
Lean on us Kim - - we are here for you and will hold you up like you have held us up in our times of need.
Happy Thanksgiving to you, Doug, Davis, Zack and the rest of your family. Chuck